Today

i was listening to someone speak and i heard the phrase
"i believe god's told me..."
i've heard that phrase before
sometimes i've used it
god-naming
little "g"
letting God know we've used His NAME in vain
the christian way
little "c"
letting Jesus know we like He's following us!
dear God!

so, as i was listening
i stopped listening
let my mind absorb words thrown at it
(with great speed)
stopped thinking
became still
silent
except for the music softly wafting through
the feces cloud sprayed within my car
(did i write that?)

my mind concluded
no, we do not trust God
do not hear the voice of God
through our voice screams
god-naming what we want Him to do within our lives
not listening because we can't hear
through life-noise of striving for gourmet food, desired shelter, styled clothing
not what He wants for us
not what YOU want for us, for me

Dear God
you do not say a lot of what we say you've said
"god said _________________" fill in the blank
i have heard, i think, the voice of God
and i'm alone
in silence
waiting
my journey and no one else

more to come

I am NOT My Own

Dear God;
after much ado about nothing
i sat in my chair of meditation and
meditated on this
nothing that happens outside of me, myself, and my
is of any concern to me
because you've got my back
(i'm still not sure what that looks like, but i believe it)

i'm a genuine ET
and i'm phoning home
do i trust you to answer when i don't hear your voice?

i ramble as i muse across my keypad
thoughts cascading
torrential downpour of letters lost between keys

i'm not my own and that means that i don't want to be seen
i want Father Son Holy Spirit God to manifest within & through me
and when i get in the way that cannot happen
lately i've been in the way
and music brings me back to you

and i remember i trust you
dear God i trust only you
and believe you've got me through the falling letters
rambling from my fingers

"I Don't Know"

a phrase that says so little and
screams so much
i don't know what i'm doing
most of the time
don't feel "together"
words falling from my mind
miss my glass-quilled pen
and crash upon the floor
i watch them blur through my tears
dear God
i don't know much
and i'm glad you know a whole lot more