No Rest for the Weary

weary |ˈwi(ə)rē|
adjective ( wearier , weariest )
feeling or showing tiredness, esp. as a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep

tiring, exhausting, wearying, fatiguing, enervating, draining, sapping, wearing, trying, demanding, taxing, arduous, grueling, difficult, hard, tough

Dear God, It me - again;
How do I get myself trapped within spaces, within walls, that try to define me and I still don't know the full understanding of who I am? How?
I want people to like me, chose me, love me (a person-pleasing spirit) and that is not healthy. It sits low within me and comes out when I least expect; don't like it at all.
I know it because my inner voice speaks "careful...careful", but my mouth engages and a lie speaks.
"I'm well, thank you."
"It's good to see you." (accompanied by the back patting hug)

And within my mental landscape I war with myself another day questioning whether I am loved for just me and not what someone can get out of me or without me giving away my soul.

There's so much to tell and so much to write; but then I'd have to bring things I don't want to remember forward.

Dear God, thanks for listening.